Outdoors Club @ Deep Cove (2 Weeks Ago) _______________________

I’m the guy on the very right, ew I’m slouching?

Freedom! ____________________________
After 2 weeks of nonstop Tech Crew after school every day until 6 to 9 PM, it’s the first day that I get to go home at normal hours, right at 3:15 PM I got to leave! Well, I learned to appreciate my free time for now! Soon I’ll start working out and playing my guitar some more if I get even more free time. Study hard from now on, since I slacked off hard for half a term. Anyways, enjoy that time you gots.

Soo busy, I want a day where I can relax with time all to myself. All of this stress piling up just adds more to the steaming heap of anger building up within. I want to unleash it onto something, or someone… or could someone tame the enraged demons within? They’re not happy, not until they’ve had their taste of blood; for their frenzy, their bloodlust has not been quenched. Is art the answer? Are these very demons the essence of my muse? Pity this, for time, the mother of all creations is no where to be found! Tick, tick, tick, goes the clock… Death is cannot tear me from my undeath, for only the living may pass away. Bah, when will my sword go to use?

EDIT: TRANSLATION: WTF SO FUCKING STRESSED.

An Endless Quest to Cure Boredom ____________________________
Today I got so bored that I walked around metro for a couple hours to kill time. How boring? Yes how boring, I should of went to Central Park instead, since it’s right across the street from my place. After that went to RK and picked up group pics PLUS schedule individual shooting next Sunday. After that went to metro again with Eric and Ronny… Wasted time. Pity me, I need a life.

EDIT: Bored near midnight. I have insomnia, I can’t sleep…

Gung hay fat choy__________________________________________
I went to Sunbright today in hopes of seeing SOMEONE named Tiff who texted me to go, but noOoOoOo… Looked around for 3 hours for that person. Since I couldn’t find her after all that it got me all sad. =P Atleast I saw alot of people I know, plus more. Crowded!!!!

My money, your pocket__________________________________________
Anyways I got me a DVD and a light bulb. A damn nice lightbulb. The light is so damn bright that it increases my intelligence and morale by a thousand fold. However, I want to get a couple more of these, but where?!? …and the DVD is LIKE battle royale BUT all girls!! Sweet, heheh can’t wait to watch it. Yay $20 spent unwisely.

Blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda________________________
On the bus after tech crew: theres this girl… pretty damn cute. I’m shy when it comes to complete strangers though. Plus, it’s hard to tell a person’s age. They could be my age or WHAT maybe even 20+?!?! Anyways, I kept glancing at her and noticed she looked back, then BOOM! There was silent eye contact held for like 10 whole seconds… Then she asked for the time, and I told her it’s 6:17. Perhaps its just me or maybe she actually wanted to talk, or perhaps she simply wanted to know the time, or perhaps she’s just a figment of my imagination… come back figment!! Man, I wish I had more confidence when talkin’ to strangers, then I would be able to make some conversation or small talk. I mean good looking female strangers, not all strangers. I have an easy time yelling off hoboes, NO I HAVE NO SPARE CHANGE – DO YOU?

Bleh, damn bastards who are single and happy with being single. I’ve been single for quite a while and can honestly say that I haven’t had thaat much dating experience as people like manwhore. Although I can say that a relationship would be nice at the same time a very little part of my brain doesn’t want one. Firstly I’m so busy with school, hobbies, clubs/extracurricular activites, PLUS++ I’m poor, have no license, nor my own car – which makes me lame beyond belief. It’s not accurate to say I want one because of all of this. But, how can I have confidence if I feel inadaquate? I honestly want to be able to give whoever it is to be the best that I can, which I can’t – not now.

Sold out Sunbrite, Hah! I’m bad_____________________________
Yesterday was busy… Volunteering at Sunbright. I had the longest shift over everyone else: 2 hours 20 mins, while others got like 1.5 hour shifts. After first shift, I got my voucher, ate curry. Damn good food, then left, hahaha. I might work tomorrow depending on how I’m feeling. After that I head out to metro.

Ha, ha?_______________________________________________
After doing stuff and eating, went to Jacquelyn’s house with everyone. Played cards and watched much TV. I was so tired, at like 1:00 AM I fell asleep on the floor… Woke up at 2:00 AM and to my surprise ALL of the guys were gone and the lights were out. Jacquelyn was there and she said they all left without me!!! So, I phoned them and Ronny said that Jacquelyn said it was ok to sleep over and Wayne would pick me up in the morning. WHAT THE HELL!?! lol, Anyways I sat there for like 20 mins while she cleaned up the mess we made and then to my great surprise they all come downstairs. Aw, I fell for that joke. It was damn hilarious – yet I was too tired to really care… Alot more funnier than words – I’m bad at explaining.

Chronic Anxiety___________________________________
Everything seems to be slowly drifting away. I get so depressed ever so often, it’s like a big gaping hole just opens up within my soul, a piece of me that has been torn away so long ago. Such sorrow leaves the bitter taste of inadequacy, as if I were not meant for this world. Anxiety is not a pretty feeling; I often find myself sitting in the darkness thinking to myself. Why? How? When? I miss the times when I had someone I could honestly talk to, I mean… I have friends, but I don’t actually tell them what’s up. Really, what is life? Is this it? Or is there something I missed?

Formal Day___________________________________
Yea, our unofficial formal day today. Alot of people dressed up, the only thing is that it sucked ass having to wear a suit on a rainy day. I still don’t like my suit that much. Oh well.

On another note____________________________________

Free myself from these digital shackles. Tomorrow I will experiment.

Belated Resolutions____________________________________
-Become more active.
-Stop slacking.
-Improve sleep hygene.
-Stop going on Xanga every 5 mins
-Clean home more often.
-Look for job, look hard.
-Play guitar twice a week + Relearn.

Not interesting________________________________________

Financial issues, and I do feel really unsecure if I have less than $100 in the bank. I have two solutions: (A) Get a job, or (B) Dramatically cut down on spending. >>Well, I obviously spend less money than alot of people that do have jobs. So, I figure if I am lucky enough to get some work I’ll be a millionare! Thirdly, I’ll be making a couple bucks here and there after I get an ebay account. If all fails, then I guess I truely am screwed.

School? Yes I’ve been slacking like hell, and school really bit me back right in the ass for doing so. So, I’ll have to be doing extra work here and there. It’s late but a belated new year’s resolution is better than no resolution. How else will I be able to be a computer programmer? It’s hard to get tech jobs, due to the saturation of workers but if I focus on a specific section perhaps I can make it fly.

What a shitacularly shitacular day! Did bad on both my Physics and Bio test, friggen artona – I blame them 100x for freakin putting us on the end of their list. Bastards. After failing the Bio test I’ve been pretty depressed, even more than how depressed I was to begin with. Some may have or may not have noticed although I keep it locked in pretty tight, I’m goin crazy life is just too depressing.

The highlight of the day really helped me quite a bit. Haha, Eric was standin on the escalator going down thinkin I was behind him, but I was like 6 steps up. So, he turns around and some girl or WOMAN was standing behind him. She was pretty okay looking? I dunno I didn’t really get a peak at her face though. BUT THAT’S NOT WHY IT WAS SO GOOD. It was too damn funny because when he turned around to talk to me, to his surprise she was RIGHT there infront of him in his face. Her reaction was 100x funnier because instead of continuing to stand there she walked to the side and down away with her guy. She probably was thinkin ”WTF? Why’s this guy looking at me so close and talking to me?” I was laughing pretty good, my day woulda turned out pretty shitty if that weren’t to happen. Thanks again.

Yesterday was the only fun day in a while, not specifically because of pics but because got to chill and etc. Whatever it screwed me over by eating my study hours.

There’s no turning back now in life. Perhaps a year ago it would be fine to let go and fall back into the earth beneath. But, I simply cannot abandon what I have come to find. It’s so hard to know exactly what we’re doing here on this sphere of dirt. With so much to discover and so little time. ”I don’t exactly want to die, yet sometimes I wish I wasn’t born.” It’s that time of the year again, the beginning of the year. I always try my best to appreciate that I have friends and that my lifestyle is good to some extent. Yet, I also keep in mind that it’s important to appreciate these things for this year could also very much be my last. A depressing thought, yet very much realistic.

EDIT: Formal day on Wednesday! Sounds fun. It’s gonna be bananas.