July 22, 2009

• I really know nothing.

  I've fallen into an entanglement of emotional and mental turmoil; a single point in my life which forks off into two very different lives. Both options hold the likelihood of prosperity and a painful death. Nothing more exists, but complete discord from reason and rationale. I'm uncertain as whether to choose A or B and I do realize that remaining stagnant upon my own dilemma purgatory is unproductive and currently eroding away at my success in one or both directions.

  Furthermore, I digress to announce that much of living world is eating away at my very soul, leaving me world weary and to gently dab at the idea of euthanasia. Upon rational observation, anyone could calculate and dissect every conflict and intervention to be a mere product of it's very own environment. Every action and reaction is based upon a set of variables; be it mechanical, biological, social, etcetera. I am not a disciple of any gods, but if one were to know the very mechanisms and history of everything, there would be no prediction, but simply knowing. With knowing, one could bend, shape, and shift, their very life into whatever they please. Cold hardened indisputable knowledge is something that I hunger for, but at the same time the thought of it sickens me. I feel like I'm playing with hot glass and I don't know what I'm building. It could shatter at any minute and leave me with nothing but a face full of shrapnel.

  I want to know who I am and where I'm going.
  I want to feel content and happy.
  I want to be free from chains ropes and other hinderances, be they of physical or mental materials.
  I want to fly.

  • 9:56 pm
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