July 22, 2009
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I really know nothing.
I've fallen into an entanglement of emotional and mental turmoil; a single point in my life which forks off into two very different lives. Both options hold the likelihood of prosperity and a painful death. Nothing more exists, but complete discord from reason and rationale. I'm uncertain as whether to choose A or B and I do realize that remaining stagnant upon my own dilemma purgatory is unproductive and currently eroding away at my success in one or both directions.
Furthermore, I digress to announce that much of living world is eating away at my very soul, leaving me world weary and to gently dab at the idea of euthanasia. Upon rational observation, anyone could calculate and dissect every conflict and intervention to be a mere product of it's very own environment. Every action and reaction is based upon a set of variables; be it mechanical, biological, social, etcetera. I am not a disciple of any gods, but if one were to know the very mechanisms and history of everything, there would be no prediction, but simply knowing. With knowing, one could bend, shape, and shift, their very life into whatever they please. Cold hardened indisputable knowledge is something that I hunger for, but at the same time the thought of it sickens me. I feel like I'm playing with hot glass and I don't know what I'm building. It could shatter at any minute and leave me with nothing but a face full of shrapnel.
I want to know who I am and where I'm going.
I want to feel content and happy.
I want to be free from chains ropes and other hinderances, be they of physical or mental materials.
I want to fly.
Comments (7)
nope, no holes i dont think.
haha, but it would be such an invention.
i hope your view turns around. why so sadistic/pessimistic?
at this point in life, it's okay not to know where you're heading, who you're becoming, because we are all constantly learning everyday, something new. .. and to feel content and happy, you have to be happy, go on vacation, hangout with friends!
Want me to push you off a cliff? You'd fly then.
= ]
You're an excellent writer =)
You'll find your way soon enough. Everyone feels lost at one point in their life! I've always wanted to fly too. I suggest skydiving!
@Vitamin_D -
please
@sincerely_winnie -
Thanks
I'm not retarded or anything. I understand the gist of what you are saying...but I have to admit that I skipped reading half of the 2nd paragraph and skipped to the last 4 sentences. I usually read your site at night when the lights are low and I am weary. Thanks to this entry the left side of my head is pulsating. Be proud of your accomplishment. Not to mention that I'm watching the Jay Leno show so my brain cells are rotting. I must learn more new things so that I can grow dendrites.
You're the first person I thought of when I read this. (NSFW)--->
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Verbose_Thread
@mayanao -
Hahahahahaha, sorry about your head, Maya.
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