On the 22nd hour, on the 22nd day of April, on his 22nd birthday he stabbed himself in the head with 22 separate knives and bled to death all over the floor. Authorities were unable to determine how a single man was capable of stabbing himself in the head 21 more times after death.

Fuck you, Ubisoft.

I purchased Assassin's Creed off Valve's Steam program for $49.99 and the shit doesn't work after the opening sequence.

What pisses me off even more is that I searched through Ubisoft's
official site for help regarding my problem and Assassin's Creed isn't
even listed under their PC games.

My PC's specs are WAY above and beyond the requirements of the game,
even though it is regarded as a very high end game and has a lot of
people bitching and moaning about it.

Surfing through random online forums some recommend disabling SLI. No,
fuck you. I'm going to wait for a patch, but shit should work soon as
it hits retail.

Tie up your limbs and drag you across the pavement face down into a secluded area.

Twist your toes off with pliers and burning the openings of flesh closed with a butane torch.

Shoot rusty nails through your lower tendons with hammer.

Cut off your knee caps with a hack saw.

Pierce your skin with thousands of needles and fish hooks all attached to each other with string.

Smash the bones in your hands to a coarse powder with a hammer.

Burn at your face and other random areas with an electric soldering iron.

Gut into your lower abdomen with a fishing knife and unravel your intestines across the ground, to be neatly wrapped around your legs like a sausage roll.

Squeeze at your heart, disconnect your lungs and throw them hard against a wall, simply to watch them slide down and leave a nice stained streak.

Split at each and every muscle with a hatchet.

Stuff random bones and appendages down your throat.

Crack open your femur with a sledge hammer and slurp away at your marrow.

Place my feet upon your head, while violently chewing at your ears and pulling them off in an upward motion.

Breaking into your face with a hammer, chewing at the chips of skull as I salivate into your brain.

Stir your brain with a fork and spoon; playing with it like a bowl of spaghetti and meat balls.

Grab your de-fleshed tibias and play them upon the top of your skull like a drum while dancing on your spine and pushing it into a wooden crate so that it bends to a complete sharp 45 degree angle.

Throw your remains into a tree grinder and roll around in the ground meat while smiling so happily.