Earlier today I was having a telephone conversation about myself. Really, I was, it's the truth.

        "When I was born, my parent's couldn't afford to feed me baby food or any type of food at all. So as much better solution, my mother would regularly go out to the local Value Village thrift store. She would clip off as many buttons as she could find and stuff them into her pockets and many various handbags without getting caught.

        At home she would empty out her socks, shoes, and all sorts of button carrying objects into a blender and set it to high. By feeding an infant of my age this wonderful concoction I was able to become as cute as a button."

One thing that separates me from other people is that I'm willing make sacrifices and self inflict pain upon myself just to get things done.

An average human mind will have limitations to what it can do or can't do in order to successfully survive. However, by pushing hard and obliterating those limitations people can accomplish great things.

The great thing about being human is that you can program yourself and adapt to many hardships. You can brainwash yourself to think or believe anything you want. Make yourself believe that you cannot die and see what great things can become of you. (Such as: dead, or maybe something better!)

If you're not planning to live too long you can actually beat yourself pretty hard to ignore pain, become more tolerant to heat, cold, electricity. In the long run it can fuck your body up pretty bad when you're really senile.

Eventually, in one point in my life I will be ridiculously strong, incredibly fast, and have the willpower to get torn, beaten, and bleed without thinking a thing of it.

Working trades is great, as long as you don't lose any fingers or have any severe injuries. I'm getting better at performing DIY surgery and removing shrapnel and wood on myself.

Many things in life have little value to me. Including life itself.

Which makes me wonder. What is the point of it all?

There is no scientifically explainable purpose to it.

We are born and we die.

We are nothing more than particles of dust, in which life we are given the ability to stir upon other particles of dust.

At the end of a lifetime there would be no fitting way to go other than to take one's life. Dying from a disease or being run over by a bus does not sound no where as courageous. However, once again in the end it doesn't matter how one dies, for we are nothing more than dust upon dust.

Many things in life have little value to me. Including life itself.

Which makes me wonder. What is the point of it all?

There is no scientifically explainable purpose to it.

We are born and we die.

We are nothing more than particles of dust, in which life we are given the ability to stir upon other particles of dust.

I've stopped training for a good few months and lost much strength and much weight. Not only that I haven't been walking anywhere and everywhere like I used to. Right now I'm stocking up on supplements and iron plates in my room to prepare for my second wind this summer. This year I'm hoping to train every day and do the grouse grind twice a week. I'll be a complete beast by this fall.

---

Although, I already know that my mind is pretty fucked up for normal people standards, it's not like I'm completely insane and constantly chant 'KILL' in the back of my head. Just sometimes, but yes after a while it gets a bit sickening and I start to feel unwell, for the thoughts won't always subside.

Last week the only place to park my car was next to a couple of drug addicts snorting some substances off the sidewalk. (Literally a 'couple,' for there was a male and female.) The first thing that came into my mind is that I want to remove a cludgel from the trunk of my car and bludgeon their faces into the sidewalk until such heads are simply indistinguishable from any other clump of blended animal imaginable. It was an sudden urge that came out of nowhere, a craving that I hopefully won't have to satisfy. (Although, everyone loves to be satisfied.) I hate drug addicts, homeless people, and prostitutes. Simply said, trash is trash, you can't turn trash into anything else.