December 10, 2007

• Merry... What?

  I keep my thoughts to myself to protect the world from my brain. If I were to actually let these thoughts wander around upon the minds of strangers, who knows what damage could be caused?
  
  Paranoia, fear, anger, and disemboweled human and non-human carcasses littering the streets, a product of sadistic pleasures once home to my brain. Many would swing their fingers back and forth like an upside down pendulum while simultaneously scolding me, "Tsk, tsk, tsk." I would be hunted like an animal; dead or alive.
  
  In many ways I am that animal. The one that savagely tears through helpless bystanders as if their lives were worthless and their bodies are food. A whole family. Mother, father, children, all torn to ribbons, cut into quarters, gutted like fish, and fed upon as if they were a pile of fresh juicy fruits that must be hastily eaten before they rot and attract fruit flies.
  
  My domain would be that of a cave, with it's exterior decorated in festive Christmas decor. However, due to the lack of electricity, much to my disappointment I would have to settle for the internal organs and skeleton bones of humans, dogs, and small cats strapped onto rocks and sticks with metal aircraft cable and chains.
  
  I would wear a Santa Claus costume and have my beard stained in blood and much of my body would be covered in flies, feeding off whatever proteins my body is covered in. At night I would run around nude and jump from building to building, house to house, dumping whatever uneaten body parts I could scrounge up into people's chimneys. Everyone would love me, because I am so generous.
  
  After eating countless random bodies and being nondiscriminatory to all mammals, even rats, I would become so incredibly massive from my high protein intake that I would be the strongest man in the world. To ensure that I am not all brawn and no brains, I would also eat the brains of every animal that I could get my hands on and by doing so I would also become the smartest man in the world.
  
  By become the strongest, smartest, and greatest person ever produced by mother nature I would indefinitely have a Merry Christmas. The woman of my desire would also find me to be quite a catch, with the small exception that I smell of rotten meat, carry a plague of flies, and manage to maul and automatically consume every living creature raw.

  • 3:07 am
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