If I don't do anything active for several days my heart will begin to race on and off, like it's going to explode. Another way to explain it would be like an anxiety that easily bursts into anger. When I'm angry, people usually won't be able to tell. It's like drinking 10 shots of espresso, but without the espresso. One of these days...

I've also become addicted to driving for no reason, without any known destination. Driving is more addictive than any game or MMO ever created by man. For some odd reason gas prices have yet to become a concern for me, even though I've been refilling up my tank every day.

As of two days ago, I have managed to attain the fastest computer that I have ever physically witnessed. It plays all games at full speed at the highest settings. For some odd reason, I'm still more addicted to driving than playing the mountain of games laying around my floor.

I'm so busy that it's actually done damage on my diet. There really isn't much time for me to eat at all.

Arg! Matthew very got angry. Today many lots people living in mall. Every store take many hours forever get service help me.

Pretzel take forever be made. Matthew want jump over counter and throw cash register into oven.

Ugly man ask for dollar so can riding bus. Matthew want to make ugly man teeth shoot into back of skull while Matthew smash detach mandible! Matthew want to break ugly man liver in half with elbow.

Pet store take forever. How can got fish! No people help! Angry, angry, I is very. Stupid customers no have decent knowledge of what want. Indecisive anger me hard boiled very!

Outside cold. Jacket take off me and help burn anger go bye bye.

I keep my thoughts to myself to protect the world from my brain. If I were to actually let these thoughts wander around upon the minds of strangers, who knows what damage could be caused?

Paranoia, fear, anger, and disemboweled human and non-human carcasses littering the streets, a product of sadistic pleasures once home to my brain. Many would swing their fingers back and forth like an upside down pendulum while simultaneously scolding me, "Tsk, tsk, tsk." I would be hunted like an animal; dead or alive.

In many ways I am that animal. The one that savagely tears through helpless bystanders as if their lives were worthless and their bodies are food. A whole family. Mother, father, children, all torn to ribbons, cut into quarters, gutted like fish, and fed upon as if they were a pile of fresh juicy fruits that must be hastily eaten before they rot and attract fruit flies.

My domain would be that of a cave, with it's exterior decorated in festive Christmas decor. However, due to the lack of electricity, much to my disappointment I would have to settle for the internal organs and skeleton bones of humans, dogs, and small cats strapped onto rocks and sticks with metal aircraft cable and chains.

I would wear a Santa Claus costume and have my beard stained in blood and much of my body would be covered in flies, feeding off whatever proteins my body is covered in. At night I would run around nude and jump from building to building, house to house, dumping whatever uneaten body parts I could scrounge up into people's chimneys. Everyone would love me, because I am so generous.

After eating countless random bodies and being nondiscriminatory to all mammals, even rats, I would become so incredibly massive from my high protein intake that I would be the strongest man in the world. To ensure that I am not all brawn and no brains, I would also eat the brains of every animal that I could get my hands on and by doing so I would also become the smartest man in the world.

By become the strongest, smartest, and greatest person ever produced by mother nature I would indefinitely have a Merry Christmas. The woman of my desire would also find me to be quite a catch, with the small exception that I smell of rotten meat, carry a plague of flies, and manage to maul and automatically consume every living creature raw.

Recently, I've been stuck between an endless cycle of sadness and fury. If I'm depressed, I'll head out to the gym and tear myself into pieces until the pain overpowers my senses. If I'm angered, I'll go to the gym and take out all of my worldly frustrations out on the iron. To simplify: I've been conditioning myself to become a berserker, one whom is able to ignore pain and push forward without consequence.

I have full knowledge of my recklessness, many times I've felt like I was going to seriously injure myself by pushing myself too hard. I've gone to the point in which I felt that my muscles were going to snap right off the tendons. I've gone to the point in which I felt that my body was going to overheat and collapse.

I want to feel alive once more.