I am the epitome of sorrow and malice. Simply an impassive character that lives, eats, and breathes pain. Living in a world where only pain can conquer pain over the years I have developed myself into a container, in which completely filled will teem upon it's surroundings. Luckily or unfortunately I still have a very strong restraint upon this trait of mine.

What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger until I find something strong enough. Doing a lot of physical things clears my mind completely, all I think about is run faster and lift heavier. It numbs my mind and temporarily sends my heart into the void.

I feel like I am two people sometimes... or maybe even more. Deep within I feel sorrow, while the outer person can live and react as one usual self. I've always been really bad with expressing myself, but I never knew that it would develop into this.

Once in a while I get impulses, a voice that tells me to do things that I couldn't imagine really acting out, bad things. I've always wondered about the people who don't have a leash on this type of thing.

Yes, well if you think you might be crazy you're not. Apparently that train of thought leaves me to be not.

The worst work week of my life is over, it was so depressing and stressful... Hopefully smooth sailings from now on and especially since I have school on the 30th.

I think my toe is fucked up.

Today I realized that I do a lot of shit that normal people would probably refuse to do. Today I spent 6 hours in a DARK 2 ft maximum clearance basement crawlspace. Notice how I said maximum? Yes, there are huge 1 ft+ ducts running all over the place, meaning I have to slide on my back to pass them. Broken light bulbs, garbage, and dust galore spread all over the floor. It hurts crawling around that shit and I get scratched up bad, but I have to. I spent a lot of time contorted in uncomfortable positions splicing wires together in cramped corners in between the joists.

After work the elevator was dead so I had to lift 80 lbs of tools up 8 floors all by myself. Full body workout. Yays.

My moods fluctuate quite frequently and I sometimes wonder if I'm bi-polar. Not your general type of bi-polar; more like depressed and nervous on one end of the spectrum to angry and sadistic. Maybe I'm happy when I'm angry and sadistic? Maybe I was meant to be one of those sadistic medieval tyrants that torture thieves or whoever they please for terrific family fun. Today, I am the latter. It's a really good motivator for working out, except at the end of the day sweat washes out so much easier than blood. If it were blood, maybe I'd just leave it there and let it continuously cake layer by layer... Speaking of blood I sliced my pointer finger on a piece of metal stud at work today, then two hours later I snipped into my thumb with a pair of wire strippers. The bad thing about having blood is that if you cut yourself it gets all over. Maybe I should have been born a robot, like the terminator.

Screw it, maybe I'll start writing more random and uncensored-like with my posts. Usually my brain filters all of the controversial stuff that I believe a lot of people would frown upon from entering any form of written material. I used to think it would be safer to keep my tracks clean. We'll see how much worse I can be... or not.

Rest In Pieces... You POS.
AMD Athalon 3000+
K8M800-MLV

New computer... fuck I'm poor.
Here's the specs...
AMD Athalon 64 X2 Dual Core 6000+
M2N32-SLI Deluxe
e-GeForce 8600 GTS
OCZ Platinum 2x1GB

I've been eating 250g pasteurized egg
whites for snacks and surprisingly it tastes like milk... somewhat.
Except for the main fact that instead of dripping out of a cow's tit,
it's actually born through a hen's ass or vagina or whatever egg
excreting body part it may be! In time, I will be able to fight
Sylvester Stallone in a boxing match and win. Maybe 20 years?

He should be like 80 by then.

Recently, I've been having an urge to join a gym. Sure, I've been working out at my building's universal crap and using the plates that litter my room, but that can only go on for so long! I don't want to spend tons of money on plates anymore and I dread the thought of even moving them from one home to another. I'm in dire need of a facility, in which I can learn to do everything and grow. I want to be able to do deads and squats.

Anyways, I'm tired. I feel really stupid sometimes when I'm sprinting in the park past people taking a laa-dee-dah stroll and I have to dodge them so that they don't get paved over with my shoes. Not to mention I never wear my glasses when I work out. Must beat my grouse grind time by ten minutes this weekend.