March 16, 2006

• Simply said, my sanity is crumbling away into the dust. I often lose
  focus on what I'm doing, by fading in and out of deep thought process.
  I honestly do want to improve myself to become a "complete human
  being," yet my mind set is just too cluttered to lay down a straight
  forward plan. I break myself, then rebuild, then break myself, then
  rebuild once more. Leaving a tattered soul, which has been destroyed
  and patched up with whatever could be salvaged.

  Within my thick scull lays two people. Firstly, there's the optomist
  who wants to better himself by becoming versatile and strong,  to
  feel happy about life. He wants to become invincible, so that nothing
  could hurt him, so that he could protect whatever he feels needs to be
  protected. On the other hand, there's the pessimist who thinks of
  killing people without remorse for what he perceives as the greater
  good or just for his own selfish pleasures. His victims carefully
  selected and never random. They are both locked away in seperate cells,
  but silenced they are not. Due to my strong sense of honor neither
  would ever hurt those who they truely trust. They hate each other, want
  to kill eachother, violently fight eachother, yet neither can die.

  I used to be very good at locking away my emotions and sheilding them
  with a simple 'I don't care' additude. My stubborness is losing its
  strength in a never ending battle. I've realized that regardless of how
  stubborn one may be, it can't force everything to simply work out. You
  need a strategy on how to deal with things in your life and in your
  mind. If you lock away too many emotions into that heavy suitcase you
  lug around, the hinges will eventually snap and everything will fall
  out. That's how I feel.

  • 8:28 pm
  • 9 Comments