EFVEFYEFA GGAEHG$#%H#UHDSFHNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnn Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux. Life sux.

So, I lied. -and honestly, I don't care. I'll come back here and write in my Xanga whenever I want. I'm tired and it's hard to keep a clear mind. I worry about less important things and don't even think about the essential things that must be kept in mind. Hopefully, tommorow I'll be able to clear things up and do alot of other things aswell.

This past week was long, but not so bad. I've been alone out of school, which none of you would understand what I'm talking about. Within school I've changed my courses around twice, now my scheduel is perfected... Perhaps. Graphics and my driven search to find perfection... Agh, doesn't even matter. Music makes up for everything that's missing.

I feel as if theres an empty hole of regrets in my chest. The air is cold as it passes through, where there is no skin, nor flesh. Brr... I don't like this.

WTF was I thinking... taking a break from Xanga. My life is slow and going no where, what's the point. There is none.

Laaates...

EDIT: Okay, okay... Last edit for a long, long time since I've been really aggrovated due to several issues in the last little while.
Studying is so difficult like this, and plus I really need to work off some tension. Thanks again to those who agree to beat me when I really need it, pain cures stress! ...and so does working out until all of one's energy is gone. Still gotta get some protein suppliments.
Lastly, ugh... never mind. I rather just keep to myself.

Xanga is repetitive, and so is many days in life. The variables set may perhaps be slightly different, yet the program's result will be nearly the same as any other. Everything seems to be there, for the picking. Perhaps it's just a mirage. Why struggle so hard for something that doesn't exist? Matt talks strange, no? Aggrovated and dissappointed at the same time due to several things that happened today. Why are people so impatient, everyone... It doesn't matter to anyone... Just like programming, if it is analyzed at a greater level everything is all in 0's and 1's... With mere switches which signify on and off, no one would care.

However, I do.
Matt talks in this way to express himself, not necessarily for anyone to understand. Don't be ashamed if you can't deceifer today's entry. Secondly, no this entry had nothing to do with programming or algorhythms... It's just a way that I can speak about things without anyone understanding. If you do, tell me... You will win an unimaginable prize.

It's not your fault. It's all your fault.
I'm not tired, and I've done everything.
I feel tired, yet I haven't done anything.

I blame society for all the paranoia and worrying about diseases and psychological disorders. ADD, DSAD, PSD, OCD, imaginary brain tumours which some believe in but don't really have, blah, blah... We come up with broad ideas for new disorders and specify that a certain percentage of the population is affected by this, then sell a new pill and rake in the money off their handicaps. Does it really help? Perhaps. Today I've came to the sudden thought that perhaps I may have social anxiety disorder. Eww...

Tomorrow I'm definately going to the gym, I must burn myself out. I'm sick of getting tired from doing nothing, I'm going to get a good night sleep after tearing alot of muscle... Tear and repair. It will be the main objective of the day.

Today was boring and useless, no knowledge was attained at school. I wish I planned life out alot earlier, everything seems out of place and disorganized. Perhaps it's ADD/ADHD that messed everything up, or perhaps I'm just worrying about things that don't really exist... Aggh, life is so aggrovating.

Good day. Time for my pot of tea... Green tea is so goooood.

Ugghghh, angry little mind I had this morning... Gonna hit the gym after lunch to work off some stress. I'm considering joining a boxing gym after I grad and after I get alot more muscle, looks like fun... Road work, mitts, sandbag, sparring... Hm...

Okay, here we go... This first week of school has been pretty much slack and boring, nothing quite intense nor fun. I'm broke as ever, my bank account has $14... Damn school fees. Matt is really a honest guy, no? My home room teacher had my name marked off and no reciept for me, because of this I was confused. But because I was right infront of him with money, I was too scurred to act dumb and play with whatever lucky thing happened... I coulda got $67 school fees for free! Well, well... Maybe I am not honest, perhaps I was scared of being found out a cheat.

This weekend is composed of a couple minutes of easy homework and nonstop inspiration + graphics design, really let's see how far I can go. But the thing is, what type of style shall I pursue? Grunge or clean and smooth... Hmm, Grunge is kinda working for me now, we'll see...

Pictures on Tuesday, hm... To buy pics or not... Well if I do, I'm sure I won't be paying for them hahaha... Either way, gotta look good for go card, last year's was so shitty.

Blah, blah, blah... rambling on about non-sense and such. I've been practicing on my British accent... Still pretty tricky but it can surprise a good amount of people at times. Also working on the Brit slang... Haha, boredom manifests odd traditions. 

EDIT 7:51PM : What does it mean, to feel strong? Inner strength, physical strength... Which is more powerful? The ability to disrupt people's thoughts and make them suffer, thus resulting in a mental breakdown... Or the ability to K.O. a bear (or some other sort of ferocious animal) with one's fist. Ehh, more rambling... Damnit I'm bored. Need something fresh, something new... FLS, here I come.

Running low on cash, damnit on the last few days I've been spending on clothes and loaning alot to people... Now I remember that both hot lunch ($60.00) and school fees ($67.00) are due tomorrow. Fuck, I need a damn job!!! Agh... Or money more importantly. Then later on there's photo class fees ($32.00) and physic text ($5.00). Who knows what else kinda fees I'll find out about for tomorrow's timetable. ...And yes, alot of this stuff comes outta my wallet in a way. Plus there's the $40 a month for bus pass. My $120 monthly allowance is nothing without a job that would come with extra cash.

Today was filled with teachers and their introductions, life stories, and course explanations... After lunch I was falling asleep. Why must it be so dull? The only good thing was photo, bleh... It seemed pretty fun.

Nothing too interesting to talk about today. Ja~

I know, I say the "D-word" alot, but... Damn, this summer was pretty weak compared to how I was anticipating everything to fall through, and that's not all folks... I'll be at school in about 10 hours from now. OMFG, save me. I need some magic clock or something to redo this summer all over, PERFECTLY. Anyhoo, good luck and have fun to all you school boys and girls. This just sucks.

Anyhoo, today I got my haircut and dyed it with even blonder highlights... would put pic up, but I can't cause my host screwed up and I'm too lazy... Anyways, got my webcam 100% fixed... no ugly yellow grain during night.

Good night.

Tired, but somewhat refreshed... Let's just go over the past few days! Three days ago I was uh... Hmm... Bad memory, OH YEA - that's right... Stayed home until late then went bbt with friends... Then Eric slept at my place for 3 hours and couldn't sleep cause he was on chair sleeping. That's bad for the back, ya know? So, he played Midnight Club, etc... Which of course woke me up. The only thing that really wakes me up is bass... Music you can feel.

The next day, we went to Metro - I was gonna buy clothes but found nothing. Feel a bit bad because I take so long, but then again it was Eric's idea to go with. After, blah, blah, blah... Went to PNE, blah, blah, blah... Went to Allan's and watched movie, ate dinner, and built his computer. Damn, we are noob - But, it was a learning experience, I bet I could make my own now, maybe... Eh... Took us like 7 hours. -__-;; Slept over for 2 hours... Woke at 8 am.

Went to bus stop... Went home and hit the shower. THEN I went to my grandmother's to await my cousins... We went to  NSC car show at Van C&E Center. I saw many fine peices, DAMN! I wish I was born rich, but then again money ain't everything. Being spoiled ain't always good, isn't the hard and grisly route to victory what gives one true strength? I felt misplaced, since both of my cousins brought friends. But then again, I got VIP pass for free thanks to cousin Jeff... Yet, I barely spoked... Took one pic with models... I hope Jeff can email it very soon so I can post it up here. NEXT - Went to cousin Eric's 19th birthday... AND GUESS WHAT I DID? Slept, since I barely got any in the past few days... How bad?

Blah, blah, blah, blah... I need a new style... and damn, dress shirts just look weird on me. They make me look older... Haha, I was wearing this green one earlier. Bleh... I dunno man...

Anyways, you have a good day and good night. I'm outs... Lates.

PS. Sorry to Tiffany for not being able to chat on phone that much lately. I don't know if you mind, but I feel a bit bad. Pick up your phone next time I call, please?