Yesterday, my grandfather passed away. I’ve never lost someone close to me in my entire 22 years of life, so it hasn’t completely sunk in. He’s gone, now. All that remains is his body, belongings, and our memories. He’s really gone. I knew all along that the day would come. I’m saddened, but have yet to shed a single tear.
He suffered from Parkinson’s disease, which took away his ability to control his body. His mind was still sharp as a fiddle, yet he couldn’t talk without stuttering, hold objects without shaking, or walk without a walker and he fell quite often. When he fell, he’d get injured and sometimes he’d bleed. He was a very reserved man and didn’t like troubling people, much like myself. I felt really bad for him, because it’s like he was imprisoned. Due to embarrassment, he couldn’t see the people that he wanted to see, other than his immediate family. Due to his condition, he couldn’t go the places that he wanted to go, because he didn’t want to trouble anyone. There was only so little that he could do by himself. I felt his pain.
He truly was my grandfather, my blood, I take after him more than anyone I have ever known. Self reliance is the key; if something can be accomplished by myself, I’ll do it by myself. (He would read books and learn to build things like staircases for example, all by himself.) He taught me street smarts and made me into a germaphobe. He taught me to walk everyday, to be strong. Just like him, I’m really well tempered, it takes a lot to upset me.
A couple days ago, he fell on his face and there was a lot of blood. They took him to the hospital. I wasn’t there, but my dad called me to drop by yesterday morning. He was unconscious and having trouble breathing. My grandmother told me that when she said that I was coming, he began to smile. His eyes were shut and his mouth was open. I held his hand, it was cold. Once in a while it would twitch and move. I wonder if his mind was conscious, after all. The nurses eventually turned off the screen, so that the family wouldn’t worry anymore.
I had to get out of there to clear my mind. I wasn’t being selfish, but I just didn’t want to stay there all day. I went to the Grouse Grind and finished under and hour. My mind was cleared and much thinking was done.
When I came back, he was gone. He was so cold, when I held his hand once more. I’ll miss him.
My parents were divorced when I was really young, so I ended up living with my grandparents. Yesterday evening, I heard a story from my grandmother that when I was about 2. I came up to her and my grandfather and asked them if they could be my parents. After hearing that story it made me really realize that the closest thing that I ever had to a complete set of parents, were my actual grandparents. All these years, I wondered how it would have been if my parents were together during my childhood and something similar was right under my nose.
