Freedom! Haha, I have survived the onslaught of Theatre Temp! Four weeks of labour, setting up lights, technical equipment, cranking the screen, and filming the play. It ended off with a bang, everyone went to eat pizza – yet, it wasn’t at all worth my $10. I truely got ripped off, it’s worth more like $5! Atleast I got my 10 seconds of fame at the end of Sganarelle; all of the ’04 grads got awarded with a yellow rose and a small box of Dutch chocolates infront of the entire audience. Haha, my messy hair – I always messed up my hair before the recognition bow at the end, every single day! Geez, I need a haircut, but I kinda want the samurai look. I’ll probably get a haircut soon, anyways.

If one was to pick my brain, if only my mind were as easily read as a book… Those who read it would find themselves to be sickened to a considerable extent. Yesterday I told three of my friends a story of my childhood, it was quite amusing to watch their expressions as they heard it.

I was nine years old, on a six month trip to the Phillipines, since I’m half Filipino. Anyways, a dead cat was sitting on a curb with its fur ripped open, it must have been run over by a motorcycle… poor thing. Flesh and guts were hanging outwards. Little red ants swarmed all over it’s wounds. (Those suckas really hurt when they bite.) They collected flesh to bring back to the nest. (Ants carnivors?) The saddest thing was that a live cat just stood 2 feet away, staring at it’s friend which has passed away. “Meow… meow…”, said the cat. By simply looking into it’s eyes you could tell that it was not stupid. It knew that their companion was dead and being fed and harvested on by ants. This cat felt emotion, depression. The thing was that I was the only person who cared enough to have interest and watch this… Screwed up childhood you say? Whatever, it’s a taste of realism to be remembered.

Every single day this week I had worked on TechCrew setting up lights ’till 10 PM, not earning a single cent – it’s a school thing. Sure, forfilling… BUT, what I find quite vexing is that we are forced to purchase TheatreTemp shirts for the performance. I’m doing free work, but yet you want to squeeze some money out of my wallet aswell? OK, what the fuck now I’m broke like a joke. Bastards.

I will be able to redeem myself in the next two weeks! Geography test, Bio term final, Math midterm, and English project!! If I get my ass in gear hopefully I can do this right. I’ve ACED the last two Bio quizzes and a lab, I’ve got a solid mark on my English essay. Hot shit, if I can pull this off I’d be really happy. As much as I like slacking, I can’t relax…

Lastly, I need a job really bad! Not that I like working, it’s just that I find it nice to have a wallet with something in it!! Like I said before, I’m broke at the moment, well practically.

Secondly, why is it the one you want never wants you back, while the one you don’t may initially want you?

 LOL, jacked this off my friends site. I am MKJ in this chat, and now I just noticed sometimes I act too funny for my own good. Read below, and take it light heartedly, I don’t mean to offend anyone.

‘MKJ;vex says:

regardless of how hard i try, and how good things may be if viewed at another perspective i can’t help but experience a feeling of angst which further more uplifts a vexing pain which makes me so hostile at the appropriate times. push me off the edge.

And I thought I was messed up in the head more than everyone, then I watched The Butterfly Effect today. Holy shit, that was possibly the most awesome movie that I’ve ever seen. It’s loaded with an endless amount of surprises, the suspense does not come to a halt for a single second! That film just doesn’t stop me from thinking. In film class last year my teacher told me that a good film is one that “moves you”. Honestly, this film has moved me in many different ways. I feel a bit disturbed and mentally distrot seeing how the pressure I feel under my skull seems to be a headache, but OMFG good film!

MKJ’s Good List_______
1. The Butterfly Effect
2. Snatch
3. … Damn it, sorry everyone! I forgot what else movies were so amazingly superb… a bunch of foreign films of european and asian origin…

Secondly, although I liked trilogies such as LOTR and The Matrix, they just don’t cut it for me. Sure, they’re packed with action but they have no way of moving someone in such a way that the story would stick to them forever… A truely good film moves not only the mind, but the soul… wtf am I talking about, hah anyways!! WATCH TBE!!!

Today I experienced a mental breakdown where all my self esteem and trust in myself evaporated. Shortly after, I got a really bad headache. I felt as if I was going crazy and suspiciously looked everywhere around me, nervously, keeping in mind on my knife. On the way home I decided that a brisk walk in the park would make everything better. My concious kept repeating the same words over and over, “the park will make it all better, the park…”. I got there and no, the effects did not take immediate impact. I started whispering to myself about life, death… I walked deeper and deeper into this little forest, reluctantly I found some trust in myself. Grr, What the fuck is wrong with me? That’s what I get for neglecting my sleep on tuesday, I’m not a robot nor built for sleepless nights, sleepless days. Perhaps I’ve learned to take better care for myself. Never the less, today was one of my most fucked up days and tomorrow doesn’t look too appetizing either. Save Our Souls. As a child I knew my mom was pretty crazy aswell, she had her mental breakdowns at times – life was stressful for her. But, I just wished and wished it wasn’t at all hereditary, I didn’t want to end up crazy like her… It was really scary being a little boy and having your mother threaten you with your life. I don’t blame her, it’s not her fault, atleast she tries. Hopefully I’ll be okay for now, hopefully life will be sunny again. Hopefully something or someone can make it better… I am a mess.

blood for the blood god!! Wh’ArrrG!! *Charge*

After 3 hours of aggrovating cramming I finally get this math. Hah, who said math was a thing needed to be studied every day, lets see me cram this shit into my head all night and get an A… hopefully. I suppose I should start trying from this point on, so far I’ve been slacking off in math this term beyond all belief. Strength, power, persistance!! Y’ArrrG!!!

EDIT: Got side tracked and looked for some sheet music online. OMG! I am so fricken happy I found the sweetest site for sheet music. I’ll probably buy some steel strings for my guitar next month then play, play, play until it’s in my memory, heart, and soul. I am good at memorizing songs, not reading them, nor playing by ear… Wow, I suck.

EDIT: WTF… I am stupid. Anyways time for a nap!

Through this year I have come to the conclusion that Biology 12 is dramatically more difficult in contrast to Bio 11. Bio 11 is focused on the animal kingdoms; quizzes and tests are based on the labs – thus studying is not absolutely necessary. Bio 12 is essentially focused on the human body; fewer labs which are entirely not fun and only 2 tests per term. Test questions are based of previous PROVINCIAL EXAMS thus studying 30 minutes every day of your pathetic Bio12 year is essential to succeed. Plus, you can’t simply refer to a text book or notes, you need to be able to think outside the box… Otherwise, waw big difference and crap there goes 30 minutes or more of my social life.

All I want to do is paint, but I can’t… I need to do well in school… Why couldn’t I of been born in another era? One of art, one of music. The time where one could be reknown as a brilliant artistic genious living in a studio giving life to dead canvas day and night. Artists are never famous until after they die, thus many ended up quite poor. Modern artists… success is rare… to be rich while doing what you love.

Bah, WTF am I doing wasting time on xanga when it’s gonna be a rough night studying and finishing off my lab. WTF am I doing I ask you!? Well, I’ll tell you… PROCRASTINATING with the best ability that I can! If you’re going to do something right, do it right all the way. If you’re going to procrastinate, then procrastinate the best you can! Bah, now I’m talking nonsense! Nonsense is obscure! Which is why it is some what amusing! God damn now I’m getting into examining every single thing that I type… I’ll just get back to homework, maybe that will make everything a little bit better.

EDIT: WTF why the hell is MSN down again? 2nd time server shut down without warning this year. To anyone who is reading this: is MSN messenger not working for you either? Urgent! Gah…

Ramble, ramble, I am so great, blah, blah… ________________________
When things make sense, everything locks into place perfectly! No friction, no stress, no conflict, no mess, no need to blow ones brains all over the friggen place leaving a nasty mess and a stain of gore and brains on the carpet. Wonderful, wonderful – for the first time in months I can say that Physics is easy. Damn student terrorist/student teacher who got failed screwed up my learning process, throwing me off track – but that’s another story. Any hoo, anyhow! La, la, la, di, da! Besides this and that, if I stay commited – then I’ll be able to live through this rough year. ++No tech crew this week! Yay, it feels like a vacation. Fucking amazing. I love you people, yes I do… AND School starts at 10:00 AM! OMFG, sweet deal. Secondly, fuck you anything or one whom tries to make this day feel bad in anyway. It’s great! Gwa, gwa… I can paint, I can play the guitar, create algorhythms for C++, and most importantly my physics! I swear because swearing is cool, and I’m going senile before I even hit 18. AMAZING!