I feel trapped and isolated from everyone. My throat feels torn up from the excess amounts of salt used to combat the bacteria which made it sore. I can barely talk, and solid food just makes it feel worse. If I do try to talk, it’s difficult for everyone to hear me all the time… Not only that, my sinuses are so congested that I my ears can’t hear that well.

Thirdly, my creative edge is longer within it’s prime. Rust eats away at it, until there is no more. Graphics… I blame that useless program pagemaker… Back to illustrator and photoshop, endless compositions until failure.

Besides that and my illness fucking up the entire week, school, my plans to attend the CARS conference, and communicating with everyone… The Matrix: Revolutions was a cool movie… However, when they replaced the Oracle; the new replacement actor just didn’t have the mysterious feel when she said her lines. Jenny told me the original died. =/

EDIT: Sorethroat sorta gone now… I got a new nasty cough somehow… Yay?

I whine too much on my xanga… My head is spinning, my sinuses are congested really bad, my throat’s sore, it’s cold, I drank 3 pots of tea and I’m still tired. Whenever I stand upwards right now, I feel dizzy. If I’m not two times better by tomorrow… Then I’m gonna ask the doctor what’s up sometime soon… Hopefully I get the hot female doctor, or my usual doctor – the nice guy that’s been my doc since I was a little kid, and not some scary old lady who seems pissed off thinkin’ i’m stupid again.

So many things I coulda done if I wasn’t sick… Such as homework, I don’t feel like touching books when I’m sick… I want to take another day off, to do or not to do…

Stressin out, yea I just want to relaX, but it’s hard when everything’s moving so fast and I need to make a quick decision… Tomorrow I’m supposed to go to the CARS conference in Surrey with Eric after school, but I’m sick like hell… keep getting better, then worse, then better, then worse, I’m just afraid that I’ll get terribly worse if I actually go. I sleep at home better than anywhere else. Why the hell did I sign up for this shit? It’s like a 2 full day + 1 morning + 1 night thing. That’s a shitload of time and I have so much damn homework. Yea, yea, you’re saying to do it there? I checked the scheduel at http://www.carsbc.org/conference/ConferenceInform.pdf the thing is fucking booked all day. Only approx 9 hours of sleeping time, yet I need more since I’m so sick… I just wana stay home and sleep >.< But, then again can’t let the school down, they paid like $300 for 4 students to go… WHY!?

Anyways, last night I barely slept… Went to bed at 10pm. Took me until 12:30am to sleep, then woke up at 4:30am… My nose was completely plugged and my throat was so sore, I couldn’t breathe when I woke up. I could only manage if I sat upwards… So I didn’t sleep much at all! Atleast I bought some NyQuil and Vapour Rub today… I hope I can sleep if I take/apply this stuff before I sleep. Ugh… Who gave me this cold!?! I hate you.

EDIT: Agh, can’t goto conference… my dad said i’d get worse if I went… I feel bad now, it wasn’t my intention… Damnit, real sorry Eric. Honestly I really don’t like doing this to friends.

Secondly, thanks for everyone’s get well comments in last entry… It means alot.

Stayed home all day sick, getting somewhat better… Drugs, vitamins, minerals, and natural herbs… All that stuff that I usually take to kill off a cold really fast. Actually, I haven’t been this sick in a long time. You don’t really learn to appreciate your health until it’s gone… I’ve lost my appetite, All I had was soup… Whenever I try to eat stuff like rice, I just can’t down it. >.<

Hopefully tomorrow I’m back to my normal self… Did you know after you get over a cold, it’s not gone? Your system becomes immune to it, but you may be a “carrier”… Pass it on to others without them even knowing. I hope I don’t get anyone sick.

Ughh, today was bleh… went to metro, play fantasy mega battle… SUCKED. Too many kids, immature… and think they’re so good because they know the rules… and they break stuff… =.=;; hahaha.. I bought a dumbell at sportcheck, then remembered I needed to do groceries… so I had to carry that peice of metal all around… people look at me. Geez… then this guy was like WOA TOUGH GUY. WTF, stupid druggie/begger… I see that guy all over, I swear.. He always beg for money saying his car ran outta gas, bULL SHIT lol. Then I think I caught someone’s cold… Felt really ill at home, it was so chilly… Then I tried to sleep but couldn’t, felt as if I was about to die… just layed ther in bed with so many blankets but still chilly… Tried to eat dinner, couldn’t… and took some advil… then slept… and got so HOT! haha, then I watched azumanga daoih and tv…

Feeling sick is gross, and I’ve come to the habit of checking xanga every hour… Update more people!! I need the entertainment.

Currently listening to: Vivaldi – 4 seasons – 06 – Presto
Ohhh, nice… Violin, what IF my parent’s let me learn that when I was small… It was the one that I really wanted to learn more than any other instrument. I’d still be playing probably… Damnit.

Painting warhammer units is damn fun, it’s art… sorta. I’ve been painting a single Khorne Berzerker for the last 9 hours and I’m done! It looks so nice, that I kinda want to show someone and brag. >.< One down, eleven more to go. Yes, good hobby and it’s far more full-filling than just simply playing computer games.

Wahahah, and yet again… Classical music > ALL.

EDIT. Waaah!! >.< My teeth hurt, the molars only. I brush and floss good but this is what I get? Bah.

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Classical music is beautiful, one week ago I vowed to listen to classical music each day for atleast one month. I could go on with this forever. Makes me wonder, what if I were to follow the path of a true musician in the past? I’ve played the clarinet, sax., and guitar… about 3 years each. Yet, I was unable to continue due to other distractions and the lack of disapline. Bah, never mind… I’ll find my own path soon enough. Which direction will it be?

Successful people are successful because they persist; regardless of the possibility of failure in addition to the great amount of sacrifices required along the way.

Bleh… Another pointless entry – I tried to say something worth while, as always I am rarely satisfied with myself. No digital artwork up for today… Possibly tomorrow.

Ugh, ugh, ugh!!! Damn homework and studying has intruded upon my joyous past time of slacking and relaxation! All I want to do is indulge upon anime and games, and also perhaps do something creative like draw or load up ps; but, noooo!!! Damn it, I know as a senior student it is my duty to acheive higher standards. But, shit man – I just wanna stay at home like a little kid. It’s difficult studying eight seperate courses… I know this is just plain whining and many say that post-sec is alot harder. However, I will be studying my ass off in the specific program that I want to learn… Programming is damn fun, I don’t care if all you losers who couldn’t do that well in it just plain suck because you say it’s HAAARDD. No offence, but it’s fun – especially debugging. That is why I want to be a program analyst.

Egh, the most pissing thing that could happen is after living through hell at high school, graduating. Then dying in a idiotic manner such as getting run over by a bus or icecream truck. I mean, dying is a part of life – but what a waste if it concerns no reason or morals. AGHAGHGHGHAGAH!!!!!!!!111oneone save me, tell me everything is going to be ok. *aaandd, I wana play warhammer but costs so much, damnit.

Finally, I decided to uglify my Xanga even more than it was already. I want a premium lifetime account, but that’s alot of money. Since I can get my own host for the same price, I might do so. Not any time soon. This ugly Xanga will be mine for now. -and yes, I like green…

Secondly, allow me to blabber on about my graphics career so far. I designed the cover for my school’s annual – However, I am no where near satisfied with it. Yes, it took me 8-10 hours to make it… But it’s not that good. If I had another month to do it, then it would be definately perfect. Right now it looks like that pic way above… except black and white due to complications. Scrap book eh, I wish I coulda went all out with interface techniques. All I can say is, I’ll practice day and night so that I can do 500x better on the grad background.

EDIT: Slacking off bad, bad… starting monday it’ll be 3-4 times a week. (This is a note to myself, and it has zero relevance to you)

I realized that I missed you for a very long time – I’ve been so stubborn. Ugh, ever sit there – just wishing you could turn back time and do everything right? Then I could talk to you again, and we’d be friends. It’s been bothering me alot lately, I’m so stupid for what I said and done. I miss talking to you, hearing your voice. Although we only met a couple times, it’s kinda sad I won’t ever get to see you again for the rest of my life, ’till death and beyond… I’m ill, mentally ill. Somethings I just can’t get out of my mind; you.

A fifty story wall lays in my path, and it cannot be pushed or avoided… Life sucks, I sincerely wish you could forgive me… I’m sorry.

Blah *smashes head*